Posts Tagged Humor
So… I was relayed a story from a friend earlier tonight and it should serve as a warning for any of you out there who may use this product.
So it was late in the night and alcohol had been involved, but the passion would not be stopped by anything as minor as that…. it was hot, it was rough, it was sweaty and bodies were entangled and slapping with the hardcore lust of two individuals engulfed in the passion….
Then, something weird started to happen… the light across the room began to turn itself off and then on again, over and over…. at first it was ignored, but then it was noticed… and then the laughing and degradation of the moment began…. and the light stopped blinking on and off….
This small insignificant little light in the corner was turning off and on because of the lust between these individuals… and not because of the banging and movement of the bed causing the light plug to jiggle in and out of the wall….
it was caused by the noise… the hot passionate collision of bodies was making a slapping sound… almost like someone was clapping… yes… clapping… clap on, clap off, THE CLAPPER!!!
So yes, all of you out there who use this vital tool of 80’s television ads be warned, if you use the clapper, then you too could be subjected to uncontrollable turning off and on of the lights in your room if you engage in rough, passionate sex!!!
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!
You are Spider-Man
|You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.
I apologize if any exact details are left out but you get the idea….
Friday night, my sister and BF went out for dinner to a Thai place they go to all the time.
They are having their dinner and have been making jokes and comments about the “crazy guy” in the kitchen through the course of the night.
So they are talking about their up coming trip to Jamaica and her BF throws out a question to her.
“What if while we were down there we just ran over to Grand Cayman and got married?”
My sister responds “We can’t do that, you know my family, they would kill me if I ever did something like that”
“Ok, but you did not answer the other part of the question about us getting married”
“Well, we can cross that bridge when we come to it”
“You know, that bridge, the one really high up over a deep dark precipice that is shaky and make of planks and rope and sways a lot in the wind. That bridge”
“Oh, ok….. What the hell is he doing in there?” *Looks towards kitchen*
She turns around to look at the kitchen and says “What are you talking about?”
She turns back around to face him and sitting on her plate of noodles is a small little wrapped up box….
and well, that is all of the story that I got…
I think it was a pretty smooth way for things to go down!
My sister is getting a whole bunch of kitchen cabinets from my aunt because she is doing a remodel of a house down in Mattapoisett that my cousins bought together.
So I went to my mom’s house to meet up with my sister and my mom to get a truck and go get them and bring them back, in the mean time my sister and her boyfriend met me there so that I could give them back the noise canceling headphones I borrowed to see if I wanted to spend the $50 on a pair of Sony, or spend the $300 on a pair of Bose or Brookstone.
So I get there and everyone is in the kitchen, I take the headphones out of my bag and my sister puts out her hand palm down to get them from me. Since the Brookstone ones were in a case with a caribiner on them and the sony were in a bag, I had attached them together. So in being the person I am, I hung them by the string across her middle finger.
She turns to her BF and says something, “See what I mean?”
My other sister then reaches over, and moves them from the middle finger to the finger next to it, and says “So how did you like those headphones?”
I start off into an explanation about which ones I liked and did not like and I am interrupted slightly by my sister’s BF who says “It is a family trait isn’t it?”
I stop and look at them and say “What do you mean by that? Because I connected and attached together the 2 things I was going to give you?”
At this point they all shake their heads and my other sister then grabs me and my head and pulls me forward and puts my face about 2 inches from my sisters hand and says “How bout them headphones”
To which I then pause, realize that the headphones were not really what they were talking about.
My response now……
Sitting on my sisters left ring finger(the one my other sister moved the headphones to) is a quite large multi-diamond ring glistening in the poor lighting of my mother’s kitchen.
She got engaged the night before, and was attempting to be subtle to make me notice the ring, yeah, it did not work. This seems to be a trend with women lately, and I will cover that in another blog.
So now I get the back story, and realize exactly why my sister’s BF, now fiance, made the comment about it being a family trait. Both my mother and my sister did not realize that she had the ring on either when she walked in and was pointing around and asking ridiculous questions about where to put George’s(her dog) food for when he goes to my mom’s house to be dog sat while they were in Jamaica in a couple weeks.
Yeah, for some reason my family is all oblivious to subtlety like that, we get fixated on a task and block out things that don’t really matter or pertain to the task at hand, this is both a good thing and a bad thing at times I suppose, but at least we get the job done!
I heard the story about how he did it and I will share that in another blog later, it was kind of a nice and cute story.
Alrighty….. first order of business, I have been in Houston the past couple days and it sounds just weird and “wrong” but I have been driving a Vibe around for the past few days. Doesn’t that just sound dirty?
Next up… Road Signs in Houston, TX suck, period, plain and simple. No advance notice that the route you want to get on is there, and the signs that are there are TINY! I had to cut off at least 6 people in my driving around.
Also, I swear they teach people how to intentionally drive in a blind spot in TX, you don’t see them til it is almost too late
Now I am in Detroit, well Michigan, I flew into Detroit. I flew Continental, last time I do that unless I am first class. The seats were completely uncomfortable, I was in an exit row but there was no extra leg room! AND my seat was not able to recline WTF! and the headrests on the seats did not have those little fold out things that hold your head so you can sleep sitting up. To top it off we got a “snack” if it can be called that, it was a turkey sandwich which was about the size of 2 donut holes with 1 slice of turkey in it. AND unlike every other airline, they don’t give you a whole can of soda, you only get a mini 7oz cup of Soda, but with ice, you end up with about 2 or 3 sips of soda,also you have to buy headphones if you want to watch the movie or listen to the piped in music. The highlight of the entire flight was the Halloween sized packet of Skittles that came with the sandwich, how lame is that?
now I am in Michigan… and I heard a rather disturbing radio commercial, it was for a strip joint. $1000 top prize for the winner of the soon to be mom bikini contest, “Jump start that child’s college fund” – “Guys, no cover charge if you bring a package of diapers” What kind of people do this?!?
Ugh… time for bed…..
So I was supposed to be in Cincinnati this week, but I ended up in Beavercreek just outside of Dayton, although I saw no beavers nor any creeks so it was a tad disappointing.
However 2 highlights from this little trip.
1- I got hit on at a bar by a circus clown, she was not all dressed up, but the circus was in town, no, seriously, the Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Baily Circus was in town and performing at Wright State University which was basically across the street from my hotel. It was fun and interesting but it never went past the bar. I may be freaky but I just could not go there.
2- This was the coolest company I have gotten to go visit so far with my job. They are really small but they make a ton of money because they manufacture Night Vision Goggles. The real ones that the military actually uses. I got a tour and saw how they are manufactured, and it is pretty neat.
Then I got to test out a pair!
It is totally exactly like you see in the movies!! The green hue and everything. The room was totally dark, I mean TOTALLY dark. I could not even see my hand 1 inch in front of my face, but they worked and I could see nearly perfectly once I had them turned on. No colors except shades of green, but I could see everything right down to the contours of my tour guides face.
I SO want a pair!! they run on a single AA battery, now if I can just figure out where to scrounge up an extra $15k to pay for one set of goggles.